Either cabin fever is really catching up with me or my inner child just won’t pipe down, but there’s a 7-Eleven in Dallas that’s up on Airbnb for a whopping $11 per night, according to Delish, and it’s making me weirdly jealous that I can’t be there.

　　No, it’s not some weird scam. This is a promotion from Sony’s Playstation 5 and 7-Eleven. There’ll be a PS5 for you to play all night, plus you have full access to all the snacks in the place, which I think is really what’s getting me excited. I mean, come on, just picture yourself in a 7-Eleven with some of your best friends. You know you’re going to be fucking around big time.

　　Feel like marching around the store wearing plastic sunglasses while carrying a Big Gulp full of chili and cheese sauce? I’d ask if I could put some of those weird pre-boiled hard boiled eggs on the hot dog rollers to see them wobble around in place all night. Maybe I’d see if a Twinkie stuffed with Slim Jims and Skittles would be any good. And if I start to feel sick, at least there’s that really small medicine section with Pepto Bismol and Tums and shit. I’d guzzle it down like there’s no tomorrow. I also hope the White Claw isn’t off limits.

　　The promo also offers access to Laredo Taco Company, which is 7-Eleven’s quick-service restaurant chain. It serves Tex-Mex food; its menu is heavy on breakfast tacos, which is always a solid option for the munchies.

　　There are catches, as usual. Because of COVID-19, access to the 7-Eleven is limited to people who live in Dallas County, so none of you scofflaw jet-setters have a chance (stay home, goddammit), anyone staying with you has to be from your household, and yes, masks are mandatory when you’re not eating or drinking.