National Ranch Day is March 10. (There are too many National Day days.) That is not enough to delight us. But Hidden Valley is going to the Visible Desert with a 24-foot bottle of ranch dressing, and then filling any container you like with ranch for a hot hour in the Nevada sun. That’s something else.

　　On Sunday, March 10, Hidden Valley will be celebrating ranch all day long by giving out samples (including tastes of Hidden Valley Blasted Ranch, an ew product) in front of a huge freakin’ bottle of dressing. Yeah, yeah, big bottle of ranch, big deal. But there will also be one hour—11 a.m. to noon—in which the company will fill anything you bring to them with ranch: coolers, cowboy hats, garbage bags, roller suitcases, handcuffed briefcases, empty two-liters, oil drums, novelty wine glasses, Barbie Dream Houses, fish tanks, and I don’t know, flasks with ranch. It’s gross and weird and impractical and I want to see all the pictures, please take pictures, go and fill a tire with ranch and take pictures, I’m begging you.

　　The bottle will be in Vegas before the big day, so if you happen to be heading to see Celine or play some e-sports or whatever this weekend, you can head over to see the giant ranch bottle beginning March 8 at New York, New York Hotel & Casino (the one with the roller coaster).

　　A blind taste test to determine the best ranch dressingAs Heinz and ketchup goes, so goes Hidden Valley and ranch. Brand affinity affects taste…

　　Read more

　　Some additional suggestions for containers:

　　Deflated beach ballBass drumBeer growlerPBR cube full of empty cans that then get filled and then you fill the cube too, so it’s cans of ranch in a cube of ranchA large plastic tote labeled “Christmas tree and decorations,” and then you open it on the day after Thanksgiving and whoops, rancid ranchA fridge, just a fridgeAn ice cube trayA vacuum, and you fill it by vacuuming the ranchAlternately, fill a kiddie pool with sour cream and ranch packets and then mix it by vacuuming it all up A memorial urn

　　An upside-down umbrellaA bottle of Newman’s Own