It arrived. We saw that it was good. It picked a Twitter fight with its rivals. There was a shortage. People began selling it at inflated prices. There was a lawsuit. It led to violence. A DIY version was encouraged. It stopped traffic. It died. It was resurrected. It developed healing powers. It comforted the old and lonely. Sometimes it came with unexpected gifts. It became a $120,003.99 work of art. And also a symbol of Christmas.

　　Holy shit. Is a chicken sandwich Jesus? Is that what I’m saying?