“Hey-look-at-this-isn’t-this-weird-now-buy-our-thing” ads are nothing new. We’ve covered quite a few of them. But even by the standards of, say, the Jack In The Box mascot doing a Reddit AMA, this John Cena-starring SKYY Vodka ad is pretty freakin’ strange.

　　Here is what we think is going on:

　　John Cena is in a boy band. So are two other John Cenas, from other earths or timelines. (Take your pick.) There’s John “Nick Carter” Cena, and John “A.J. McLean or maybe Justin Timberlake or maybe Chris Kirkpatrick” John Cena, and then there’s just John “John Cena” Cena. They are obviously in a Backstreet Boys-style video, but are not singing. Instead they are speaking, and the... poem?—let’s call it a poem—the poem they are reciting seems to be about a girl, but is actually about a vodka, and also about America? We think? Does... Does John Cena want to make it with a bottle of SKYY Vodka?

　　What is happening here. What. Is. This:

　　Welcome us into your embrace

　　When we close our eyes, all we see is that gorgeous face

　　(Hey girl)

　　Proud and strong out of the red, white, and blue

　　(America)

　　All we see... is you

　　(That’s right)

　　Our beautiful SKYY Blue

　　(Hey girl)

　　And if there’s one thing I know I am

　　(What’s that?)

　　I’m John Cena

　　[transitions to normal non-whisper voice]

　　And I’m proudly American

　　So, ah, SKYY Vodka would like you to buy it, please. Have a nice weekend.