I was an impressionable teen away at summer camp in 1999 when Brandi Chastain nailed the penalty kick that won America the Women’s World Cup. I’ll never forget her ripping off her shirt in what still stands as one of the most fuck-yeah-girl-power moments of my childhood. Chastain is an athletic icon, period, and she deserves a better rendering than this Mickey Rooney-meets-Sarah Huckabee Sanders monstrosity from the Bay Area Sports Hall Of Fame. Thankfully, Arby’s was ready to step up and give Chastain the sauce-ified portrait she deserves.

　　It’s not hard to do better than the Mr. Potato Head-looking plaque the Hall Of Fame created, but I have to say, Arby’s really nailed it. Brandi Sauce-stain looks happy, confident, her hair a messy-athletic halo around her smiling face. You can tell they took like, three hours to finish the shading on her upper lip.

　　Good on you, Arby’s, though we wish you would have disclosed the name of this currently anonymous sauce Rembrandt, because The Takeout staff would like to commission a portrait for next year’s holiday card.