Ingredients

2 cups small cooked shrimp, lobster, or lump crabmeat, coarsely chopped (use any 1 of the crustaceans or a mix of all 3)

　　Enough mayonnaise to bind (about 1/3 to 1/2 cup)

　　Enough paprika so it doesn't look anemic

　　At least 1/2 cup chopped red onion

　　At least 1/2 cup parmesan

　　Salt and pepper to taste

　　Small scallop shells for serving

　　

The Capers:

1/4 cup large salt-packed capers

　　1 1/2 cups vegetable oil

　　

Step 1

Turn on broiler.

　　

Step 2

Mix all ingredients and—if this is 1959—put into scallop shells.

　　

Step 3

Run under broiler until brown and shiny, and serve with tiny cocktail forks. If you are less retro, put on any sturdy cracker or black bread.

　　

Step 4

Run under broiler. Invariably devoured.

　　

The capers:

Step 5

Rinse capers and soak in fresh water. After 1/2 hour, change water and soak for another 1/2 hour. Remove capers and pat very dry.

　　

Step 6

Heat oil and fry capers in 2 batches, until quite crisp and lightly browned, about 30 seconds each.

　　

Step 7

Drain on paper towels and serve immediately.

　　

Step 8

Garnish the above or just serve in a bowl.