So, here we are after two hundred and some pages and surely you think, “I can fix anything!” But perhaps not. There may come a time in the life of even the most resourceful chef when she realizes, yes, all is lost—the meal is ruined. It is unrecoverable, and one must turn to the last resort. “But wait! What is the last resort?” Take a deep breath; we’ve thought of everything. Here is a quite satisfactory meal for four persons, made up entirely of items from the “first aid” list thats begins here. It should take about 30 minutes from the time you discover your regular dinner is ruined until you sit down at the table to impress your guests with a gourmet feast. Yes, it’s just pasta, but first of all you’re going to use angel hair pasta, which seems fancier than plain ol’ spaghetti. (But if spaghetti is what you have, by all means use that. Or any other pasta you have.) And you’re topping it with puttanesca sauce, which not only tastes delicious, it’s fun to say. Furthermore, its name has some interesting stories associated with it, which can be explained to your hungry guests as they wait to eat. (Or not, depending on their sensibilities.) Briefly, pasta puttanesca translates as “whore’s pasta.” There are a number of stories about how this name originated. One refers to how quickly the dish can be made between clients, another to how it can be made with things already in the larder—emergency dinner, anyone?—because during the 1950s prostitutes from state-run Italian brothels were not welcome at the local markets except at particular times. You’ll be serving pasta puttanesca (made without the traditional anchovy fillets; if you have some in your pantry, by all means, throw in one or two) with a nice artichoke salad. Sorry, we don’t know anything salacious about artichokes (feel free to make something up). And for dessert? Homemade brownies made only with pantry ingredients. And we’ve included options for making them more interesting, too.

　　

Ingredients

Pasta Puttanesca

1 tablespoon olive oil

　　4 cloves garlic, minced, or 1 1/2 teaspoons garlic powder

　　1 can (28 ounces) puréed tomatoes

　　1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes

　　1/2 teaspoon dried basil

　　1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

　　1 pound angel hair pasta (capellini)

　　1 cup pitted black olives, halved or sliced (kalamatas are best, but others will do)

　　3 tablespoons drained capers

　　1/4 cup white wine or broth (broth made with a bouillon cube is fine)

　　1/4 cup tomato paste, if needed to thicken the sauce

　　1/4 cup chopped parsley (but only if you happen to have some in the garden or the refrigerator)

　　

Artichoke Heart Salad

2 cans (14 ounces each) quartered artichoke hearts

　　1/4 cup oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes, drained and cut into strips

　　2 to 4 tablespoons vinaigrette

　　

Brownies

2 cups all-purpose flour

　　2 cups sugar

　　3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

　　1 teaspoon baking powder

　　1 teaspoon salt

　　1 cup water

　　1 cup vegetable oil, plus oil for greasing the pan

　　1 teaspoon vanilla extract

　　

Preparing the meal

Step 1

Preheat the oven to 350°F.

　　

Step 2

Heat the olive oil in a saucepan over medium heat and add the garlic. When it becomes fragrant, after just a minute or so, add the tomatoes, pepper flakes, basil, and oregano. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to low and leave the sauce to simmer, uncovered so it will thicken a bit.

　　

Step 3

Fill a large pot with water and set it over high heat.

　　

Step 4

Drain the artichoke hearts and slice them lengthwise into thin slices. Put the slices in a bowl. Toss the sun-dried tomatoes and vinaigrette with the artichokes. Put the bowl into the refrigerator.

　　

Step 5

Check your sauce and make sure it’s simmering. (Turn the heat up or down as necessary.) Give the sauce a stir.

　　

Step 6

In a large bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, cocoa, baking powder, and salt (a whisk is great for this).

　　

Step 7

Is your water boiling yet? If so, put your pasta in. And while you’re at the stove, give your sauce another stir.

　　

Step 8

Add the water, oil, and vanilla to the bowl with the flour mixture. Stir. Grease a 9 by 13-inch baking dish and pour in the brownie batter. Put in the oven and set your timer for 25 to 30 minutes for fudgy, gooey brownies; 35 to 40 minutes if you’d like them more solid. A toothpick inserted into the center should have some gooey bits clinging to it for fudgy brownies and be clean for cakelike brownies.

　　

Step 9

Check your pasta. If it’s done, drain it in a colander. Add to your sauce the olives, capers, and wine or broth. If you’d like it a little thicker, stir in the tomato paste.

　　

Step 10

Plate the pasta and ladle the sauce to cover. If you’re using the parsley, sprinkle it on top. Serve with the artichoke salad.

　　

Step 11

At some point during, dinner you will have to get up and take the brownies out of the oven. Let them sit for at least 10 minutes before cutting.

　　

Step 12

Serve dessert.

　　

Step 13

Congratulations. You have just survived a dinner disaster.

　　

Step 14

Notes on brownies: The recipe can be halved and made in an 8-inch square pan if you prefer. (Though why anyone would prefer fewer brownies we’re not sure.)

　　

Step 15

Adding 1/2 to 3/4 cup chocolate chips makes delightfully decadent brownies.

　　

Step 16

Using coffee instead of water will make these even richer. Substituting one-fourth to one-half of the oil with applesauce will make them less rich (and less filled with fat and calories), but they will still be delicious.

　　

Step 17

If plain old brownies don’t seem exciting enough, do you have any ice cream? We believe it’s always a good idea to have some in your freezer. And if that’s not enough, how about some fruit? Do you have those frozen berries we mention in the emergency list? A brownie served with vanilla ice cream and blackberry sauce feels very adult. You want to be even more adult? How about a splash of liqueur over your brownie sundae? Coffee liqueur and Irish Cream are both nice, but a good whiskey is also an unexpected treat. Or, go in the other direction and make your inner child happy: dollop chocolate syrup on top. Add a sprinkle of nuts if you have some.

　　How to Repair Food, Third Edition