Approximately 40 people are sick, and 19 hospitalized, after attending a shitty potluck birthday party in Charlotte, North Carolina. Apparently some Turd Ferguson forgot to wash their damn shitty hands and contaminated the food with shit.

　　Gibbie Harris, Health Director of the Mecklenburg County health department, told the Charlotte Observer that some attendees of the shitty party have been infected with shigella, a “highly contagious” disease that gives you the shits and is spread through shit. It is pronounced with a hard G, and thus does not sound like “shit Jell-O,” much to the consternation of the staff of The Takeout.

　　The Observer also notes that about 100 people attended the party, and while the number of affected guests is currently around 40, officials warn that more could still fall ill. Well, shit. Symptoms usually appear between one and three days, but it’s possible that guests could catch this shit up to a week later.

　　Several of the 19 patients admitted so far have been placed in intensive care:

　　“The diarrhea is pretty significant,” Harris said. “It’s usually watery, and there’s a lot of it, and it can go on for days, so most folks will seek care.”

　　Health department officials warn that anyone displaying symptoms should either get their shit together and head to a hospital, or contact the health department directly to get advice on keeping hydrated and controlling the spread of the shit disease. They also note that anyone who brought home leftovers from this shitty, shitty party should throw that shit away tout suite—to which we say, yeah no shit you should throw that shit away.

　　They also advise washing one’s shitty hands before one makes potato salad, so please, America, wash your hands, for they 

　　ARE 

COVERED

IN

FECES.