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May 6, 2025
Bollywood Kitchen is a fresh take on pandemic programming
　　Sweet sassy molassy, do I miss live theater. The smell of the grease paint! The roar of the crowd! The state of being outside the house! As much as I love the deep, intimate relationship I’ve built with my television over the past ten months, it will always lack the...
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<i>Bollywood Kitchen </i>is a fresh take on pandemic programming
May 6, 2025
If I don’t froth my milk, I will die
　　In 2019, a tanker truck toppled over near Lebec, California, dousing the freeway in nearly 6,000 gallons of condensed milk. This is roughly equivalent to the amount of cream I dump into my coffee each morning. I love, love, love an ultra-milky cup of coffee. (I also love exotic coffee...
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If I don’t froth my milk, I will die
May 6, 2025
I will never stop thinking about “We Like Pizza,” an earworm from nowhere
　　When most people think about songs to send someone to piss them off, they think of meme classic “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley. Not me. I think of something far stranger, less mainstream, with much more mysterious origins. I think of “We Like Pizza” by (who else?)...
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I will never stop thinking about “We Like Pizza,” an earworm from nowhere
May 6, 2025
Hot butterscotch soothes the lonely, socially deprived beast within
　　One of the nicest things to drink on a cold winter night is hot buttered rum. In the Beforetimes, on quiet weeknights when I got bored of being at home, I would grab a book and wander over to my neighborhood cocktail lounge where I’d belly up to the bar...
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Hot butterscotch soothes the lonely, socially deprived beast within
May 6, 2025
Is Whataburger’s Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit an achievement, a mistake, or a holy mystery?
　　The Whataburger honey butter chicken biscuit is, at its core, the request of a town drunk who foolishly uses one of his genie bottle wishes to conjure up a sandwich. You don’t crave one so much as you hallucinate it floating in an alley. It is a warm, sweet, and...
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Is Whataburger’s Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit an achievement, a mistake, or a holy mystery?
May 6, 2025
The wonders of Wondra, the instant mixing flour
　　Walking through the baking supply aisle, you’ve probably seen it: Wondra. It’s a cylindrical blue can that has a photo of a gravy boat on it, and it’s labeled as “Quick Mixing Flour.” It’s generic looking on the outside, but inside it’s a versatile cooking tool that’s good to have...
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The wonders of Wondra, the instant mixing flour
May 6, 2025
Instant Cream of Wheat: Sweet delicious mortar for a sad man
　　I admire people with some level of uniformity in their consumption habits, for reasons like enjoyment, stress reduction, or increased headspace. Steve Jobs, for example, defaulted to a wardrobe of black mock turtlenecks, jeans, and 900-series grey New Balances so he could focus more of his attention on the next...
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Instant Cream of Wheat: Sweet delicious mortar for a sad man
May 6, 2025
Clean everything coffee touches with Cafiza
　　On March 8, 2020, I stepped inside a mountainside coffee shop in Jay Peak, Vermont. That hastily made 16 oz of steamin’ gas station-quality sludge was the last stranger-made cup of coffee I’d drink for over a year. 　　Since the onset of COVID, I have been my own barista. Every...
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Clean everything coffee touches with Cafiza
May 6, 2025
Here’s the very best way to sauté mushrooms
　　I love sautéed mushrooms so much (I would marry them if I could, but that’s “not legal” and they “only like me as a friend”), and yet I have been cooking them wrong my entire life. Mushrooms are porous, spongy little buggers, and I’d been taught that to prevent them...
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Here’s the very best way to sauté mushrooms
May 6, 2025
Enter a pleasant fugue state with a few rounds of Disney’s 625 Sandwich Stacker
　　Welcome to Gamer Week, in which The Takeout will be celebrating the edible side of video games all week long. 　　Technology moves too dang fast. I’m not even talking about robots or AI or programmatic advertising. I’m referring to the fact that in 2008, a mere 13 years ago, I...
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Enter a pleasant fugue state with a few rounds of Disney’s <i>625 Sandwich Stacker</i>
May 6, 2025
I use this Japanese barbecue sauce every single day
　　I’ve extolled the virtues of pre-mixed seasonings before. Seasoning and sauce mixes aren’t just a weapon in the lazy home cook’s arsenal; they’re also often cheaper than gathering the ingredients for your own seasoning, which may or may not turn out the way you intend. Pre-made mixes can elevate a...
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I use this Japanese barbecue sauce every single day
May 6, 2025
Snack on The Stuff, a low-substance, high-camp diet culture satire
　　First things first: The Stuff is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I’m a perennial consumer of crap film, most recently blasting through the entire Da Vinci Code trilogy for no discernible reason. I’m always down for a Sharknado viewing, and I’ll quote Troll 2 with glee—but, wow,...
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Snack on <i>The Stuff</i>, a low-substance, high-camp diet culture satire
May 6, 2025
For baked goods with extra oomph, add apple cider vinegar
　　A few months ago, I published a weeks-long experiment involving 400 chocolate chip cookies and, presumably, a perfectionism-driven death wish. I messed with a ton of different variables to achieve the perfect cookie, but one thing remained constant: a splash of apple cider vinegar in my dough. (One teaspoon, to...
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For baked goods with extra oomph, add apple cider vinegar
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